From: sylvan@trigger.ksu.ksu.edu (The Gypsy Elf)
Newsgroups: alt.pagan
Subject: Chocolate Ritual
Date: 9 Nov 1993 13:19:16 -0600

Hey all,
	A friend of mine got this from Prodigy. I hope some of you
haven't seen it already. Enjoy!
			BB, Drey

THE CHOCOLATE RITUAL

Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll
(the great big one - as the athame), a large glass with milk in it
(the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quick and a spoon, a small
dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo
along with a goblet.

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:

(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast
No calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quick where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE (using a tootsie roll)

CALL THE QUARTERS:

Mousse of the East, Fluffy one!
Great prince of the palace of dessert!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle
from all moochers approaching from the East.

Fondue of the South, Molten one!
Great prince of the palace decadence!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle
from all diets approaching from the South.

Cocoa of the West, Satisfying one!
Great prince of the palace of thirst!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle
from all carob approaching from the West.

Rocky Road of the North, Cold one!
Great prince of the palace of crunchy!
Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle
from all cheap imitations approaching from the North.

MAIN RITUAL:

HANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss):
Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate; who was of old called:
Godiva, Ethel M., Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names:

HPS: Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and
better it be when your checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a
great public place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me,
who is Queen of all Goodies.  In the mall shall you assemble, you who
have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more.  To you I shall
bring Good Things for your tongue.  And you shall be free from
depression.  And as a sign that you are truly free, you shall have
chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch, nosh, snack,
feast, and make yummy noises all in my presence.  For mine is the
ecstacy of phenylalanine, and mine is also the joy on earth, yea, even
into high orbit for my law is "melts in your mouth, not in your hand".
Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop you
aside.  For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine is the
taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy padding pounds on your
hips.  I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy onto the
tummies of men and women.  Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things
delicious, and beyond death... well, I can't do much there.  Sorry
about that.  I demand only your money in sacrifice, for behold,
chocolate is a business, and you have to pay for those truffles before
you eat them.

SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust
of whose feet are the cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks
and finer stores everywhere:
I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying softness
of big bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside truffles,
and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy
soul to arise and come unto me.  For I am the soul of candy, from me
do all confections spring, and unto me all of you shall return,
again.... and again... and again.... and again.  Before my smeared
face, beloved of women and men, thine innermost divine self shall be
enfolded in the rapture of overdose.  Let my taste be within thy mouth
that rejoices.  For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are my
rituals.  Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess, crispness and
crackling, big slabs and bite size pieces, peanut butter and chocolate
covered cherries all within you.  And you who think to seek me, know
that your seeking and yearning shall avail you not unless you know the
Mystery: "We shall sell no chocolate until you pay for it" For behold:
I have been with you since you were just a baby, and I am that which
is attained at nearly any shop in the land.  Messed be.

SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was called
Ghirardelli, Milton Snavely Hershey, Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many
other names:

HP: I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece that fell on
the floor but looks like it may not have gotten too dirty, and the
deepest bitterness of dark chocolate.  No matter how you try to resist
the call of chocolate, I will hunt you out, and I will become your
sacred prey.  I am warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter, and the
call of the road that leads you to that really expensive Godiva store
downtown.  I give you my creatures, the fire of love of chocolate, the
power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that frozen Milky Way bar
and the shelter of Haagen Dazs when that big date didn't work out.
You are dear to me, and I instill in you my power of a piece of
chocolate that you had forgotten you had hidden, and the power of
vision and magickal sight with which you can spot a candy counter a
mile away.  By the powers of the half melted bar in the glorious sun,
I charge you, by the darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot and
lingering smell of bittersweet chocolate, I charge you, and by the
beauty of a perfectly swirled vanilla butter cream, I charge you.
Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you.  The
wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would envy.
Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa, and in the
last satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo.  Yet you must be wary of deceit.
Eat not of that which is called "baking chocolate", for it is vile and
bitter.  Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind you.
Be not greedy, but let yourself be known as a conaisseur.  Leave a
little for someone else.  I am with you always, just over your
shoulder, or around the next corner.  I am the Lord of Chocolate, and
when you have reached the end of you hoard, I will never be further
away from you than that 7-Eleven on the corner.  I am the spirit of
the wild child, the inner child who can never get quite enough.  If
you are a true chocolate lover, then your soul and mine are
intertwined.

CUPCAKES AND YOO-HOO

(Blessing of the Yoo-Hoo)

HP: Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than dark chocolate
HPS: Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate
HP: For both are better than the falsely named "white chocolate"
HPS: And neither one is carob
HP: As the frosting is to the cupcake
HPS: So the creamy nougat is to the Milky Way bar
BOTH: And when they are eaten, they are yummy in truth, for there is
no greater snack in all the world than one made of chocolate.

(blessing of the cupcakes)

HP: Frosting is keen
HPS: And frosting is neat
BOTH: Great Goddess!  Let's eat!

(Feasting and Drinking)

Dismiss quarters

HPS: Oh, ye mighty goodies of the __________, we thank you for
attending our rites and guarding our circle, and ere you depart
for your sweet and sticky realms, we say unto you, "N-E-S-T-L-E-S,
Nestles makes the very best"

ALL: "Choooooooc-laaaaate"

(After all quarters have been dismissed, give a final satisfying
belch at the east)

Close circle